


My Silent Scream

by Nath_The_Master



Series: Falling Fast, Flying Free--A Nathleka Collection [3]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Hayley is too enthusiastic, Juleka and Rose worried for Nathaniel's health, Nathaniel is an overprotective older brother, Transgender Nathaniel, abusive Nathaniel's mother, fight me, trans Nathaniel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2018-10-08 03:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10376382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nath_The_Master/pseuds/Nath_The_Master
Summary: Can't you see how I cry for help, cause you should love me just for being myself. I'll drown in an ocean of pain and emotion if you don't save me right away...





	1. I'm Caught Up In Your Expectations

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Dark here. So, as I said in the summary, this is sad. WARNING! It is a songfic to Anna Blue's song Silent Scream. Enjoy! Also, I am sorry if you cry like I did...

_I'm caught up in your expectations_

**Nathaniel**

As I left school, I dreaded what I would go home to. I would probably open the door to my mom shouting at my twin sister, who was never allowed to go to school as someone had to watch the twins, or somebody bleeding to death on the floor. I mean, it's happened before.

I should probably tell you about my sisters, or my family. I didn't consider my mom as part of it, you'll find out why later. First, my twin sister. Yes, twin sister. Her name was Hayley and she looked like a female version of me. I mean, we even wore similar clothes! Second, the twins. They were conjoined at their forearms, making it so they had three arms. Their names were Claire and Ellie and they were the sweetest people ever. I loved them all, but everyone at school had no idea they even existed.

I siged, seeing that I was now standing in front of my house. It was around 5:30 ish, as I had gotten detention for drawing in class. Again. I took a deep breath, then opened the door to an explosion of shouting.

"Where do you think you were mister?" my moter shouted in my face, her face flushed with anger. She would have been beautiful if it were not for all of the shouting she did to me and my sister. I had to think of an excuse, and fast. Nope, I've got nothing.

"Detention?" I replied, naively hoping what was bound to happen wouldn't. Nope, my luck was still horrible.

"DETENTION!" my mom shouted, then grabbed my arm and dragged me through the living room littered with toys, the hallway covered in carpet, and the dining room with the broken table, to the kitchen. I glanced over at the sink, and saw it was full of dishes Hayley and I would have to do later. 

"You'll never get detention again mister. It's ruining my reputation." she told me in her she-demon voice, as Hayley and I called it. Then, she drew her arm back and slapped me clear across the face, leaving me stunned. She normally just yelled at me, but this was new. She slapped me a second time, then a third. She had eventually slapped me 10 times, not including the first one. 

"Go, you worthless piece of junk." she said to me, shoving me towards the stairs. I stumbled, then ran up them as fast as I could. I ran into my room, then slammed the door, startling the cat on my bed. I shoved the extremely fat cat off of my pillow, then collapsed on my bed, struggling to hold back tears. I then drifted off into a dreamless sleep, still clutching my sketchbook.

                                                                            *********Next Morning*********

I woke up to endless beeping. I groaned, then looked at the time on my phone. I saw it was 7:50, school started at 8:00! I cursed, then grabbed my sketchbook  and messenger bag, and ran downstairs. I ran past my sisters, eating breakfast in the kitchen.

"Gottagobye!"  I shouted in their general direction, dashing out the front door towards school. I made it to class just in time, sliding into my seat just as the bell rang. Time for another day of boring classes, hooray.

  **Juleka POV**

As the teacher explained something boring, I looked at Nathaniel for probably the 500th time in the past week. He had come in late today, almost missing the bell. I wondered what was up. His red hair was covering his cheek, but I saw a red mark on his cheek, in the shape of a hand, layered many times over. 

"Hey Rose,"I whispered in her ear,"do you know what that red mark on Nathaniel's cheek is?"

She shook her head no, then scribbled on a sheet of notebook paper, _You'll find out. I know you can!_

I decided that after class I would ask Nathaniel what was with the mark. 


	2. You Try To Make Me Live Your Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juleka confronts Nathaniel and his mom wants him and his sister to...WHAT!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Dark here. Sorry I haven't been updating, but I have had rehersals all week until six, opening night is tonight!!!!

_You try to make me live your dream_

**Nathaniel**

After class ended I headed outside to wait for Juleka and Rose, as we were going to the Eiffel Tower so I could do some sketches, and they had a question to ask me. I saw Juleka coming over to me, then heard a honk.

"Nathaniel!" I heard my mother shout. Why was she picking me up? She had never done that before, "Get a move on boy! I have somewhere to be!"

I looked at Juleka, shrugged, then ran towards my mom's car. I climbed in and saw Hayley and my younger sisters in the back. I looked at Hayley, confused, and she just shrugged.

"We're moving to America." My mother said suddenly. 

"WHAT!!!" my sister shouted, almost exploding in anger.

"Mom!" I shouted at her, furious, "I have friends here! A life! School! You can't just boot us to America like we don't have things going on here!"

"I can and I will. We're moving in a week." She replied in her She-Demon voice, making the twins cry. As Hayley tried to comfort them, I kicked open the door, and lept out of the car. I ran past Juleka and Rose, who both looked confused, past Marinette and Alya, who had been talking, and back into the school building. I ran to the old art room and sank against the far wall, tears streaming down my face. I heard an almost silent wing flapping and looked up. I saw a small, black butterfly flying towards me. It flew to my drawing pencil and when it landed on it it literally melted into it, turning it black. Then, I heard what I had hoped to never hear again.

I heard Hawkmoth say, "Evillustraor, such a pleasure to see you again. I will help you right what your mother has done wrong, if only you will get something for me. I need Ladybug and Chat Noir's Miraculous."

"No," I replied, "I don't want to hurt my sister and friends again."

"WHAT?" Hawkmoth exploded.

"That's right, I am not a villian." I replied, then stood up and walked out of the room, not even bothering to pick up my pencil. I headed out of the school, walking over to Juleka and Rose. 

"Nathaniel!" Rose shouted to me when I was a few feet away. "What's wrong?"

During all of the Hawkmoth crap I had forgotten that my mother wanted me to move to America in a week.

I sighed, "My mom wants me to move to America in a week."

"OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Rose shouted, catching the attention of everyone that was here.

"You can't move!" Juleka said, shocked, "You have the exibitation for your art in two weeks, you can't miss that! Also, what's that mark on your face?"

"It's-Uh-I-," I stuttered, great, now I was getting flustered! "I have to go." I said, then ran off.

**Juleka**

I should have known Nathaniel wouldn't tell us. I sighed, then headed home, dejected. Little did I know my life was about to change...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment? Please?


	3. But I'm Causing You So Much Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The class learns a bit about Nathaniel's past, thanks to Hayley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Dark here. I had tests the last two months, so I haven't been able to update. Since it is almost summer, I'll try to update more often, maybe once a week. I'll also try to continue my HoO story. Anyways, enjoy!

**[www.polyvore.com/hayley-nathaniels_sister/set?id=218908874](http://www.polyvore.com/hayley-nathaniels_sister/set?id=218908874) **

 

**Juleka**

The redhead girl I saw in the back of Nathaniel's mom's car ran up to us the next morning.

"Where's Nathaniel?" Rose asked.

"I don't know. I was hoping he was here." She nervously muttered.

"What was the red mark on his face?" Alix spoke up. Looks like Rose and I weren't the only ones who had noticed. 

"I should tell you a bit about our past." she murmured, then took a deep breath. 

"Nathaniel and I are identical twins. Our dad died when we were 5, so we don't remember much about him. Our mom started dating this guy, I think his name was Chris, and they got engaged. Then she found out he was already married, with two kids, and she started drinking. One night, she got so drunk that she started hitting Nathaniel and I, so our older sister, Eilissa, tried to protect us. Eilissa got hurt so badly she bled to death. We tried to get help, but mom locked us in the house.  We stayed by her until she died. The red mark on his face was from when mom hit him a few days ago because he got detention. Now we're moving to America so she doesn't get in trouble for child abuse and he doesn't want to go and I don't either-" She broke off with a sob. Rose wrapped her arms around her, obviously shocked.

"Wait a minute..." Alya said, "Identical twins?" 

"Y-yeah," the redhead replied, her voice cracking, "Nath will probably kill me for telling you this, but he is trans."

"What. The. Hell." came from Kim

"How did we not notice?!" Nino shouted.

"He is really protective of his male identity, and being an introvert helps too." the redhead told us, "By the way, my name is Hayley." She glanced at her phone and cursed in surprisingly foul language when she saw the notifications.

"I'm going to be late. Nath is watching Claire and Ellie, my little sisters, and he needs to go somewhere in 5 minutes!" she shouted, "Nice meeting you, bye!"

Everyone stared at her as she left. 

"This changes a lot." Chloe, surprisingly enough, murmured, "I've been a real bitch to him."

I heard lots of other things people were muttering, lots of 'wow' s, but I didn't say anything. In my eyes, this didn't change a thing. Nathaniel was still Nathaniel, the artsy kid in his scene phase with the crazy-cool sister and depressing life. 

Then, Rose spoke up. "We should make him a 'We'll miss you' package! It could have all sorts of stuff from all of us, and maybe a class photo!"

"We should make one for Hayley as well," Marinette added.

"Yeah! Hers could have all sorts of fun stuff in it, considering we don't know much about her." Rose agreed.

"She seems to like galaxy patterned stuff," Sabrina noted.

"Everyone get your stuff for them and meet back here in two hours!" Marinette said.

**Nathaniel**

 I ran home, up the stairs, and into my room, slamming the door. I stormed over to my wall covered in drawings of Ladybug and Chat Noir, Super Nath, Juleka, and other random stuff and started ripping stuff down from the wall. Halfway through, I felt tears drip down my face and collapsed on my bed. I felt my binder press against my chest but didn't bother taking it off. I knew it was dangerous to wear it for too long, but I would be fine...right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not trans(though I am aromantic) so I don't know much about being trans.All that I know is from fanfics and one friend, so if you are trans and would be willing to share your experiences with me, that would be extremely appreciated. otherwise, I will use my limited knowledge. 
> 
> I love comments more than Chloe loves Ladybug! Please comment!


	4. And You Only Want The Best For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a long time, my mom took away my computer, swim team started every morning at 8 freaking am in the morning, and life kicked my ass. But good news, my this girl my BFF is obsessed with asked her out, so she isn't as depressed. :) I don't own ML. I will try to update every....Tuesday? If I don't, yell at me please and I will update.

**Hayley POV**

I ran home, hoping Claire and Ellie were alive and well. Well, mostly well. With Nathan in charge, something wrong was bound to happen. I unlocked the back door, and headed inside to find the house... silent? Weird. I snuck upstairs silently, hoping mom wasn't home. I peeked in Claire and Ellie's room, to see their room empty. I then peeked in Nathan and I's room and grinned. Nathan was asleep in the middle of the bed, with the twins on either side of him. I saw the faint lines of his binder on his back and sighed. He was an idiot. I shook him awake and he shot up.

"Wha-what's wrong?" he mumbled, one side of his hair flat and the other side completely sticking up. 

"Take off your binder. And you might want to finish your painting for the exhibition. You can see if you can turn it in early and it can be there, but not you I guess."

"All right." He muttered, and drifted towards the dresser and dug around in his drawer for a baggy shirt. He found one, and I looked down at my phone pretending to check my messages, though I knew I wouldn't have any. I glanced back up to see Nathan in one of Elissa's old debate team shirts, drifting toward his painting. It was a two part one that he had finished the sketches on canvas for and needed to paint it. I can't describe it because he won't let me see. I grinned at him, then gently picked up the twins and headed tp their room, and put them to bed. I heard the front door slam open, and stumbling footsteps, and cursed silently. Mom was home, probably drunk. I peeked in between the railing of the stairs and the ceiling. I saw mom passed out on the couch, a bottle of whiskey in her hand. I tiptoed downstairs and gently pried it from her fingers. I headed to the kitchen and dumped the contents of the bottle down the sink and trashed the bottle, then pulled out a mug and a pitcher of my 'hangover tea' and made mom a glass for when she wakes up. I placed the hot mug of tea and mom's reading glasses next to the newspaper on the coffee table, then headed upstairs to bed, even though it was only nine. I collapsed on the bed and immediately fell asleep, clothes and all.

**Nathaniel POV**

I glanced over at Hayley, watching her as she fell asleep. I looked back at my painting and grabbed my set of blue watercolors. I carefully painted in the deep blue of the night sky, then grabbed the metallic gold for the stars. I painted until I could barely keep my eyes open, knowing that I would mess up If I continued. I headed to the dresser and pulled on a ratty t-shirt that Elissa had worn all the time when she slept, or hung around, or did anything. Even after a year, it smelled like her. I missed her so much. I sniffed and glowered as I felt tears prick in the back of my eyes. 'Guys don't cry. Guys don't cry.' I told myself. I pulled on the t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts avoiding looking down or in the mirror. Once in my pj's, I headed to the bed Hayley and I shared, shoved her to one side, and curled up in a ball under the blankets and fell asleep.

**Juleka POV, Much Earlier**

As soon as Hayley left we all ran off to get stuff for the baskets with a friend. Rose and I ran to the mall together, while everyone else ran other ways. 

"What should we get Nathaniel?" Rose asked. 

I frowned, "Maybe art stuff? He always seems to need more of those."

"But everyone will get him that stuff, or more clothes," Rose replied.

"Hmmm, your right," I muttered, thinking. "Oh! What about a new chest binder?" I asked Rose.

"Yeah! But what size?" 

"We can ask Marinette. She would know." 

Rose pulled out her phone and dialed the number Marinette had given her. I heard Marinette say something, then Rose asked her what size to get. Marinette said something, then Rose shut off her phone, ending the conversation.

"She said probably a small." She told me.  

I nodded, then we went to search the mall for a binder and universe patterned anything.

<><><><><><><><><><><Later><><><><><><><><>

Everyone had decided to gather at Chloe's room at the hotel, much to her distaste. 

"Wow, very pink," Kim muttered, looking around.

Chloe huffed. "Can we just get this done with?" 

We all sat in a circle on the floor, Chloe sitting on her desk chair, saying she wasn't going to sit on the "disgusting, dirty, germy floor" .

"So waht did we get  Nathaniel?" Alya asked, taking charge of the situation

Most people had gotten him art stuff, a few people had gotten him clothes, but Rose and I were the only ones who had gotten him a binder, thank god.

For Hayley everyone had gotten her universe patterned stuff, but Rose and I and surprisingly enough, Chloe, had actually texted him to ask what she liked. We both got her universe patterned cooking stuff.

"We can give the stuff to them at school tomorrow." Adrien told us, then we all headed home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon, I will post an image of Nathaniel's paintings for you guys. I'm gonna make them myself! Yell at me monday to remind me to post! I love you all! I'm thinking of calling you guys my Darkies. Any better ideas' tell me!


	5. You Wanted Me To Show More Intrest, To Always Keep A Big Bright Smile, But Everyday I Fail To Impress, So I Cry Once In A While

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the inconsistent updates. School starts on Tuesday, so I will probably update more often than now. Lyrics and ML do not belong to me.

 

**Nathaniel**

The next morning, I was sitting on the steps of the school sharing earbuds with Hayley. Mum had let her stay with me until classes started because mum was going back to work.  ~~Finally!~~  I was sketching Claire and Ellie, Hayley leaning over my shoulder to see. I saw a pair of orange converse with a moth on the side, and I knew Adrien was standing in front of me.

I glanced up at him. "What do you need?"

He was holding a big basket filled with stuff. Marinette appeared beside him, holding a similar basket.

"The class made these for you guys!" Marinette said, as cheerfully as ever.

"Wow!" Hayley said, standing up, "Can I open it now?" 

"How about we go to the classroom, that's where the rest of the class is," Marinette replied.

"But...I have to leave when the bell rings." Hayley answered, sad.

"Then can you meet us out here at three?" 

"Yeah, can I bring Nath and I's little sisters?"

"Sure! How old are they?" 

"Six. They act like they're two sometimes though."

"Aww! Do they go to the elementary school?" 

"Yeah."

"So, see you at three?"

"Yup! It was nice meeting you!"

Hayley hugged me, then headed off in the direction of home. Adrien and I had been watching the whole exchange in interest. I hadn't thought that my sister, Hayley Kurtzberg, would make friends with Marinette DuPain Cheng, fashion designer and most likely Ladybug. Weird.

The bell rang, signalling us to go to class. I stood up, collected my stuff, and headed into class. I headed to my seat in the back of the classroom and flopped in my seat. I heard footsteps and glanced over to my left to see Juleka standing there. 

"Umm..Can I sit here?" she quietly asked, "Rose is sick and I think we're doing partner projects today."

I nodded, and as she sat down, blushed. ' _Damn it, Nathan, keep your emotions in check! You don't want to get akumatized again, do you?_ '

Miss Bustier started taking roll then, and I looked toward the front of the room, grateful for the interruption.

' _You just have to make it through seven hours of school Nath. Keep it in check._ ' I said to myself

**Juleka**

I had been right, we were doing partner projects today. I know it sounded kind of mean, but I was glad Rose was sick today. That gave me a chance to figure out if Nathan liked me back, as Rose had said. I was noting in my head that every time I looked him in the eyes, Nathaniel blushed; whenever we accidentally grabbed the same thing I blushed; and when our hands bumped, we both blushed. As Rose would say, Hmm...mysterious. 

We managed to finish the project in record time, so I scribbled song lyrics in my notebook while Nathaniel sketched. When the bell rang to signal the end of the day I stood up, collected my stuff, and grabbed Nathaniel's wrist and dragged him outside. I saw everyone in our class, minus Chloe and Sabrina, surrounding Hayley and two absolutely ADORABLE curly, bright red haired girls. I pulled out my phone and immediately sent Rose a picture, knowing she would think they were adorable. 

"Uugh, Hayley," Nathaniel muttered, a hand rubbing his temples.

"Are those your little sisters?" I asked him.

He nodded, then grabbed my arm and shoved through our class to get to her. I flushed at him holding my wrist, of course. 

"Hayley! Did you have to actually BRUSH their hair?" he shouted at her. She just grinned in response, then the girls seemed to realize he was there.

"Nathaniel!" they shouted in tandem, leaping at him and wrapping their arms around his legs.

He laughed, then everyone headed to the park so they could open the baskets.

**_At the Park_ **

"Hey, when are you guys moving?" Kim asked.

Hayley sniffed sadly, then replied, "Friday."

"That soon!" Alix shouted, "Don't you have a showing to do Nathan?" 

"Yeah." he sighed.

"Anyways, the baskets!" Alya said, as if to prevent someone from crying.

Hayley opened hers first, and absolutely LOVED it. When Nathaniel got to Rose and I's present, he looked up at me.

"How did you know?" he asked me.

"Ummm.....Hayley?" I replied, nervous of his reaction.

He stood up and looking absolutely furious, started shouting at Hayley. "I trusted you not to tell anyone! You broke your promise, Hayley! You don't know how important it was to me to keep secret! I had to transfer schools halfway through eighth grade because the bullying got so bad! I-I-I HATE YOU!" 

He spun around and dashed away. Hayley watched after him in shock, then started crying. Surprisingly, CHLOE wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.

"He didn't mean it." she murmured, "He's just really stressed and emotional right now." 

"Wait, emotional?" Hayley asked through her tears.

"Yeah, I don't think he wants to move," Chloe replied.

"The Evillustrator!" Mylene shouted, causing everyone to look up, scared.

"I'm coming for you sister." the Evillustrator said, perched on a bench. He leapt at Hayley and everyone scattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love it if you commented! This is now on Watty so you can read it there.


	6. And The Storm Is Rising Inside of Me, Don't You Feel How Our Worlds Collide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inside an akumatized person's mind and Chloe makes a friend. (More likes orders him to be her friend)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Dark here. I have no excuses as to why I haven't been updating except I am working on one fanfic with my friend Persassy9001(find her on wattpad) that's been taking over my life. I even dream about it! Tell me if you want me to post it on here. It will probably be updated more often than this one because I pre-write the chapters with her. It's going on 40 pages!
> 
> Enjoy!

**Nathaniel**

Fog. That and mist was all I could see for kilometer after kilometer. I had been here before, but when? I felt memories shifting in the back of my mind. Good. Maybe I would remember. I looked around again and stepped forward. My foot caught on something, and I wheeled my arms, trying to stay upright. Once I had caught my balance, I looked down and gasped. There was 12 year old me, flat on my-no, her back, lifeless eyes staring up into the fog. 

I looked around again and stepped forward. My foot caught on something, and I wheeled my arms, trying to stay upright. Once I had caught my balance, I looked down and gasped. There was 12 year old me, flat on my-no, her back, lifeless eyes staring up into the fog. Her black hair was spread around her head like an evil halo, Her short sleeve black funeral dress falling perfectly on her hips and chest, no black blazer, revealing a pale arm with long, slightly messy, bleeding cuts stretching up the arm to her inner elbow. I swallowed back the bile rising in my throat, grimacing. Unconsciously, I pushed up the sleeve of my blazer and rubbed the faded scars. For some reason, rubbing the scars called a memory up. 

_Chloé, where are you? Are you hiding? That is so cute. You're playing hide-and-seek. In the closet?! I started erasing things in the closet, moving around the room, until I Akuma's the table Chloe was hiding under. She shrieks. I win, Cloe! I found you! Cloe looked terrified. Ahh! My channel dresses! My Todelan heels! You're...you're a monster!_

At the end, I was shaking like a leaf. I sank to my knees and clutched my pounding head. I opened my eyes, trying to focus on a particular spot on the ground. I shrieked when I saw the moths, hating how high pitched my voice got. I scrambled to my feet and hopped around on alternating feet, trying to find a spot free of moths. They swarmed up around me, filling my vision with their glowing white wings. I collapsed, trying to fend them off. The moths filled my vision, covering my eyes, flying into my nose and mouth, covering my slight body with their weight.

My eyes flickered open. "Nath?" 

 

**Juleka**

Everyone screamed, scattering in different directions, trying to find a safe way out of the park. The Evillustrator smirked, drew something on the tablet on his arm, and an extremely high fence surrounded the park. 

"Come on Hayley, I just want to have a little FUN!" The Evillustrator cackled, erasing random trees and benches, seemingly trying to find Hayley. 

"He's only after Hayley!" I hissed at Marinette, "You can transform into Ladybug while I distract him, and hopefully Chat will show up."

Marinette looked shocked, "How did you figure it out?"

"It's pretty obvious if you're looking. GO!"

Marinette nodded, and I stood up, climbing onto the bench. 

"Hey! Evillustrator!" I hollered, standing on the back of the bench. He looked at me, and his eyes softened.

"Move Juleka. I don't want to hurt you." He looked pissed, his eyebrows pulled in. I just stood there, glaring back. 

"This isn't who you really are Nath." 

We had a silent glare-off, me still on the bench, him perched on a lamppost. 

Ladybug's yo-yo swung down and wrapped around his ankle. It tightened, and he went flying, and then there was the infamous Ladybug. 

"It's not nice to pick on your sister, you know." Chat's voice came from on top of the fence. He lept down and landed grinning, twirling his tail. Ladybug rolled her eyes, shaking her head. While she was distracted, The Evillustrator erased the yo-yo around his ankle and landed on his feet smirking. He jumped and landed on the fence. He glanced around, then swooped down and snatched Hayley from her hiding spot behind Ivan. 

"Ahhhhh! Hel me Chat Noir! Or Ladybug!" She shouted from The Evillustrators shoulder, her red hair falling in her tearing up eyes. 

"Hayley!" one of her little sisters screamed, wiggling out of Alya's grip and running out into the open. The Evillustrator froze, staring at her with a confused look on his face. Ladybug looked at Chat, and they both nodded. Chat ran to the girl and scooped her up in his arms. 

"Do you want to help save your brother?" He asked her, worrying his lip. 

"Only if Claire can come too!" She said stubbornly. Chat grinned, grabbed the other one, and pole vaulted out of the park, with Claire and Ellie in one hand, his stick in the other. I jumped off of the bench and sprinted behind Alya as she filmed the park. We scrambled out of a small hole the Evillustrator had missed and ran in the direction of t the Eifell Tower. We got there in time to see Ladybug do the cure, Alya complaining she had missed the whole battle. We all ran to the base of the tower, where we would wait for them to come down. 

**Nathaniel**

I was sitting on the school steps, my head in my hands, trying to forget what I had done. I had almost erased Juleka, Ladybug, and Hayley from existence, and actually erased Chat. I was a monster. I couldn't even avoid being akumatized again. What a failure I was. I looked up when I heard familiar heels clicking on the granite steps.

"Here to be a jerk Chloe?" I muttered, not looking up at her.

I looked up when she sat next to me. Why was CHLOE FUCKING BOURGEOIS sitting next to me?

"Be my friend and I can get Daddy to convince your mum to let you and Hayley stay here." she said, well, commanded.

"Ch-Chloe? Bribery won't make people be your friend. You have to be nice." Sabrina stuttered from Chloe's left.

"I"m new at this being nice thing, okay? I want to be your friend tomato." She sighed.

"Let me think about it," I told her, not in the mood to avoid Chloe right now. 

"I didn't want to do this, but-" Chloe made her ocean blue eyes bigger, anime style, "Please?" 

"Fine." I sighed. I hated the anime eyes. They-and my sisters-were my weaknesses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, explanations. First, I headcanon that Akuma's have no control over their actions, so that is what happens inside their heads. Second, Juleka knows who Ladybug and Chat are. She's a makeup artist, so she must have a pretty good eye for detail. She would figure out that Marinette has the exact same voice, figure, hair color and style, and eyes as Ladybug. Adrien has the same eyes, figure, and voice as Chat. Do they make sense?
> 
> Find me on Tumblr, Wattpad, Fanfiction.net, Polyvore, and Pinterest! 
> 
> Comment, Kudos, Bookmark, suggest to friends! I love you guys!


	7. It's Getting Harder To Breathe, It Hurts Deep Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry I haven't posted in forever, but at least I got a solo in Choir! If any of you would like to beta for me, I would REALLY appreciate it. Just comment if you're interested. Anyways, I don't own anything, and enjoy!

**Nathaniel**

 

The class was quieter today. I assumed it was from my akumatization yesterday, but I wasn’t 100% sure. Marinette wasn’t talking to Alya about Adrien, Nino wasn’t talking to Adrien about music or something, Chloe wasn’t complaining to Sabrina-oh wait, she’s standing in front of me.

“What Chloe?” I sighed, exasperated. I really didn’t want to deal with this right now, I just wanted to go home and cry with Hayley about Elissa. 

“You’re upset. I don’t know why you should be, Daddy is talking to your mum about you and your sisters staying at the hotel. So explain why you’re upset, tomato.”

The bell saved me. It rang just as I was opening my mouth to give an excuse why I wouldn’t tell her. Thank you whatever is good and holy. 

I shoved all of my stuff in my bag and headed outside to walk home. Crap, looks like I wasn’t safe from Chloe’s questioning just yet. She had latched herself to my arm, and was now looking up at me with her big anime eyes. 

“Please tell me?” Oh my god, she was like Viktor from Yuri!!! On Ice. 

I shook her off and as I was walking away, replied over my shoulder, “My sister committed suicide a year ago today.”

*************MIRACULOUS TIME SKIP****************

I walked as quietly as I could up the old wooden stairs leading to my room. I silently opened the door to my shared room, seeing Hayley laying flat on her back on the bed. Claire and Ellie were half-heartedly playing with dolls on the floor by the bed. Even from the doorway I could see the tears glistening in her eyes. I walked over to her kicked off my converse, dumped my blazer on the desk chair, and grabbed a box of tissues. I laid down next to her and passed her a tissue. She blew her nose, dropping the tissue off the side of the bed. 

“You okay?” I asked her quietly, trying not to disturb the rare silence.

“Not really. How did you last a whole school day though? You were just as close to her as I was.” Sh replied, her normally musical voice thick with tears. 

“Honestly, I have absolutely no idea.” I stared up at the plain white ceiling with that one strange blue spot. I felt a warm pressure on my legs. Claire was sitting on them. 

“I miss E.” her voice sounded so small, it broke my heart a little more.

“Are you okay from yesterday Nathan?” Ellie asked me from Hayley’s legs.

“I..don’t know. This would be easier with Elissa here. She would know what to do.” god, now I was crying too. Hayley grabbed my hand as Claire and Ellie curled up with us and together, as siblings, we all cried together.

 

**Elissa--Exactly a year before our story began.**

 

I didn’t want to do this anymore. I loved Nathan and Hayley and Claire and Ellie, but I couldn’t deal with them and mum all by myself. Nath could mostly take care of himself, and so could Hayley, but even they needed help occasionally. And Claire and Ellie were so little, they couldn’t take care of themselves yet. Ever since dad  died mum had been getting worse. I remembered her from before, when she was still that happy, loving artist mother. She was the first one Nathan had told about being Transgender, she comforted me when I got my first period, she took me to therapy for my depression. She was an amazing mother, then it went downhill. She stopped working, started drinking. 

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror with the cracked glass. I hated my too red hair, my eyes that couldn’t decide what color to be, my pale skin, my freckles, how you could see my ribs but I was still over 100 pounds(49 kg), my big ass thighs, EVERY. SINGLE. THING. ABOUT. MYSELF. I watched the tears roll steadily down my gaunt cheeks and made my decision. I reached into the bathroom cabinet, grabbed one of Nath’s unused art knifes, raised it over my chest, and STABBED. Ah, the sweet relief of death.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I NEED A BETA READER! HELP!


	8. Just Let Me Be, Who I Am, It's What You Really Need To Understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter eight people! I'm feeling nice today, so poor Nath doesn't get angst and feels dropped on him today! And Chloe is decent! Woo! I don't own anything except my oc's. Enjoy!

 

**Nathaniel**

 

Owwww….. Looks like I fell asleep in my new binder again. Bad idea Nath. I sat up, trying not to wake Hayley. It looks like she had fallen asleep crying, as her eyes were crusted up. I sighed, sitting up and rubbing my lower back. Looks like today was going to be as sucky as yesterday. 

{I was wrong, oh so wrong}

I got up, as usual, got dressed in my normal red Magma shirt, purple jeans, grey blazer, and grey loafers; fed my sisters; brushed my teeth and tried to tame my hair; then grabbed my stuff and walked to school. 

“Tomato! Hey, tomato!” Chloe was hollering at me across the steps, with the BIGGEST FUCKING GRIN on her face. A genuine smile looked good on Chloe. 

“What.” I sighed, I wondered what was up now. 

“GUESS WHAT!” Great, now everyone on the steps was staring at us. 

I walked over to her, hoping she would stop yelling.

“What.”

“You, your sister, and your other sisters are going to live at the hotel with Daddy and me!”

HOLY FUCK. My stomach dropped to my shoes when I remembered the game changer.  “What about my mum.” 

“She said it was cool! Although she said that she would enjoy it better with you guys gone… Oh, and Daddy is going to send her to a,” She lowered her voice to a whisper, “Mental hospital.”

“That. Is. Fucking. Great.” Maybe she would stop drinking and go back to the cool mum I knew before Dad died. 

“You can move your stuff to the room we set aside for you guys after school. I got Adrikins to help us, so it will be easier to get everything on one trip.”

Then the bell rang, cutting Chloe off. Good, I don’t know if I could deal with her constant blabber for any longer.

********************Time skip of procrastination*******************

After classes ended, Chloe, Adrien, Sabrina, and I all walked to my house together. Yes, Chloe walked. Shocking. 

Anyways, when we got there, Claire and Ellie immediately grabbed my hand with their good ones, then dragged me upstairs, giggling and cackling as everyone else followed us. 

We got to our room and saw Hayley was already shoving folded clothes into a paint-stained duffel. She zipped it up, grabbed the suitcase on the bed, and shoved them at Adrien.

“You take these. If you have hands you can take stuffed animals too.” 

“Geez Hayley, getting bossy.” I teased, knowing her reply.

“It is scientifically proven that small people are meaner than tall people.” Saying this, she shoved a box of books and another one of art supplies at Sabrina. 

“Chloe? Will we need the sheets?” She turned to Chloe now, handing her a bag of small trinkets that were special to us; including but not limited to: a photo of the WHOLE family, an MPHFPC Pop! Figurine, a scrapbook of Elissa's, and a Lotus flower candle. 

“Nope, the hotel has some for the beds. Is that all? We have to have a formal dinner with daddy tonight.”

“Cool! Nath, grab your paintings and we’re done here.” I headed over to the sheet covered easel and pulled it off, revealing the half-finished portrait of Elissa. 

“Oh. OH.” Hayley was shocked, almost speechless. 

“That’s amazing Nathanael.” Sabrina seemed to be calculating something, examining the painting.

“Wow, Nath, you’re amazing.” Adrien’s jaw was on the floor.

“Don’t worry, we won’t tell.” Chloe was smirking about something, but as far as I could tell, she was serious.

“Let’s go!” Hayley snapped out of her shock and gestured towards the door.

We all made it to the Hotel with no casualties, Sabrina and Adrien had gone home to change, and we were now getting ready for the dinner with Chloe’s dad. 

Tying my purple tie, I looked at Hayley. She was off in space as she laced her black combat boots. 

“You like Sabrina, don’t you.” I had a feeling she did, Dang, my whole family was LGBT.

“Wh-what?! No!” She was red, the liar.

“You freaking cry in Lesbian Hayley. You do like her.” I argued as I helped Ellie into her dress. 

Hayley sighed. “Well, maybe a little.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, kudos, and bookmark! I love you guys! Au Revoir!


	9. And I Hope So Hard For The Pain To Go Away, And It's Torturing Me, But I Can't Break Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nath, Hayley, Claire, and Ellie formally meet Mayor Bourgeois. And Hayley Get's akumatized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm finally back after FOREVER, I just wanted to let you know that updates won't come very frequently as I have musical, swim team, violin, District Choir, auditions for All State Choir, and school. BUT, I have an ending in mind(I'm not going to go through the whole song, just the chorus right now. It's almost the end!) I don't own anything, just my OC's. Enjoy!

**Nathanael**

 

“You guys ready?” Chloe asked through the door, “Daddy wants to meet you.”   
“Is Sabrina coming?” Hayley asked, opening up the door. Chloe nodded, looking confused.

“Hayley has a crush on her,” I whispered to Chloe, picking up Claire and Ellie with some troubles, they were getting heavy.

Chloe nodded, getting it now. “Yes, Sabrina’s coming.” 

“Good, Hayley looks like her head is going to pop off,”Ellie spoke up from my hip. 

Chloe snorted, sending my eyebrows behind my bangs. That was uncharacteristic of her. 

“Well, let’s go already!” Hayley muttered, pouting. 

Chloe led us to the table, where Adrien and Sabrina were already sitting. Hayley sat in the empty seat next to Sabrina, Chloe at one end, and Adrien across from Hayley. I set Claire and Ellie down then grabbed a chair and pulled it closer for Claire, so she and Ellie wouldn’t be uncomfortable. I sat down in my chair next to Adrien and smiled at him. He grinned back, not unlike Chat Noir. Wait a minute….

I was pulled from my thoughts when Mayor Bourgeois sat down at the head of the table, across from Chloe. The food got placed in front of us, and the metal covers were lifted off revealing a delicious looking dinner of tomato soup, strawberry slices, and a slice of toasted bread. 

As we all dug in, Mayor Bourgeois spoke up. “Your files say that you have an older sister, where is she?” 

Chloe was looking nervous, as she already knew what had happened to her, Sabrina looked confused, Adrien looked slightly upset, Claire and Ellie were sniffing, and Hayley was….gone? Shit. 

“We have to find Hayley!” Sabrina broke the silence.

We ended up searching the whole hotel but never finding her. Then Adrien, Sabrina, Chloe’s, and my phone all dinged with a notification from the Ladyblog. I glanced at the screen, my eyes widening at the live stream that was at the top, under the headline **Mistress of Tears, January 13** . The supervillain/akumatized person was a teenaged girl in a blue bodysuit that looked like it had been made from water, wielding a huge silver trident. My eyes immediately went to the necklace she was wearing. A music staff. 

“Guys...That’s Hayley.” I said just as my twin shouted on screen, “Where is Mayor Bourgeois!” 

“Where’s Adrien?” Chloe asked, looking around.

We all shrugged, then went to Chloe’s room to get a view of the fight. Ladybug and Chat Noir showed up, then a very wet battle with my akumatized sister happened, Ladybug purified her, and a few moments later my sister was talking to us in Chloe’s large, sickeningly pink bedroom.

“What happened?” I asked Hayley, careful not to make her upset.

“ Chloe’s father told me we had to go to Russia with our cousin and his husband.”

“What!” Sabrina shouted, then stood up and ran out of the room sobbing.

I looked at Hayley. “She likes you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter and this is done! Yes! I have ideas for more fanfics, so look out for those too. Au revoir!


	10. So I Cry And Cry But Just Won't Get It Out, The Silent Scream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nath and Hayley are back from Russia with their cousin in tow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! It will feel so strange not having to work on this anymore, this work has been a constant staple in my life. At least now I have time to work on my original book! I will miss writing this, especially Hayley. If anyone wants to use her, Claire, or Ellie(or all three!), just let me know. I don't own anything, etc. Enjoy!

**_Two Years Later_ **

 

**Chloe**

 

_ Today is the day!  _ I thought while taking my morning shower.  _ Today is the day!  _ I thought eating breakfast.  _ Today is the day!  _ I thought in the limo on the way to school.

“Today is the day!” I shouted dancing into the classroom. Everyone looked at me, confused at my happy manner. 

“What’s happening today?” Rose asked me from her seat next to Juleka.

“The day that Nathanael and Hayley are coming back from Russia! They’re going to do the second semester here, in our class, while they stay with their cousin and his husband!”

“No way!” 

“Really?” 

“Yes!” Came from all around me, the loudest being Marinette, Alix, and surprisingly, Juleka. 

Sabrina tapped my shoulder. “I’ll do it.”

I grinned at her, knowing what she meant. 

Sitting down in my seat next to her, I thought back to Year 10. Sabrina was a carrot that couldn’t stand up for herself, now she was a carrot who could. Nathanael and Hayley were small tomato’s, now who knows. Our teacher stepped in and quieted us.

“Today we have two former students here, and from what I understand, your former classmates, joining us. Their cousin is here today to help them get settled, so please act like he is a normal 29-year-old man.” She walked over to the door at this and pulled it open.

Hayley stepped through first, in a blue turtleneck, black knit skirt, and white converse high tops. Her red hair was tied in a loose braid with a navy and black ribbon at the end. She had to be at least 5’ 9”. Then, a tall male I assumed was Nath stepped through, as his hair was styled in the same way. He had gotten...dare I say it…..Hot. Testosterone was good for him, I could see muscle in his arms. He brushed his bangs out of his eyes, then leaned in and muttered something to Hayley in Russian. Then, VIKTOR EFFING NIKIFOROV stepped through. So this was Nath and Hayley’s cousin. 

Class went by like normal after, and it was finally lunch. I was sitting next to Nathanael while Viktor was getting tea and pastries from the DuPain-Cheng bakery. 

“Look.” Nathanael hissed in my ear. He pointed to Hayley, where she was talking to Sabrina. We both watched as my best friend stepped forward and kissed Hayley, then cheered when Hayley kissed back. We watched as they pulled away flustered, then walked over to us holding hands. I watched as Nathanael pulled Juleka aside and talked to her, leading to her nodding, blushing. 

I’m watching now as Nathan and Juleka say their vows next to Hayley and Sabrina, 5 years later. I’m watching as my two best friends get married to their one true love, the person who will make them the happiest. And I love them for it.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End. *cries*

**Author's Note:**

> Hi...*sobs* After finishing this I am literally sobbing. Sorry! Comment? Please?


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